Self absorbed much

I, me, mine.
Just me, only I.
I fell, I cried.
I fell on you, and you wiped
your tears. I only saw mine.

Always me, I,
That’s it. Only my
anger, fear, dried tears. I said
I understand your pain.
I tried to see the glass I broke
but felt only the shards. I lied.

You? What about mine?
Only me. Am I
Ouroboros actualized? It’s funny
that I glorify. I am spineless.
I raze myself, self-sabotage. Snake personified.

I am the snake who
convinced them of the apple. I
want to blame someone else
but it’s only me. I am
snake, Adam, and Eve, all tied.

I am the snake that
is under no control. Shiva
had the snake wrapped
around his neck but mine
strangles me, spitting venom. I am
the snake which bites itself, I cry.

I, me, mine.
A venomous snake that injects
me with my venom. My
tail in my mouth. Needless Ouroboros,
I don’t want to bite.

Arrayed disorder

Buzzing and wiggling in the calm,
Nothing coming to a rest.
Chaos reigns the present.
Movement is riotous; replete with
unrest

There is no direction,
Growth is nonlineal, non-linear.
Inherent primal genius born.
Created has an order, with afterbirth in
cinder

Chaos breeds creation
Order pushes created
Evolving within chaos; expanding with order
Creation pushing created; Chaos and order
mated

Monotonous Tints

Hues and tints
Yellow, orange, red
Each round I make
The palette condenses.

Mix of purple
Orange, reds, pinks
As minutes pass
The palette deepens

Unable to contain
Comes burst of colours
Boundaries being stretched
The palette is broken

My beautiful mansion

I build mansion in the air.
Thoughts like the wind.
Swaying my hopes, the sands, the clouds,
Hoping for my weather patterns to take care
of the blueprints and wherewithal.

My incremental actions,
create gardens around the mansion.
Manicured gardens, natural landscape.
The winds spread the seeds,
in the fertile lands.
What grows, trees and weeds.

Antinomy: Irony of Words

Surrounded by words, people as words
Ideas as words, actions as words
Nothing to feel, only words.
Only talk, only babble.

Sadness in words
Happiness in words
Twisting, modifying
Aggrandizing, astonishing
Complicating, simplifying.
All words, all talk.

Hope as words,
Despair as words,
Nothing is felt,
Nothing is experienced,
Only words.

Flame

Looking at a flame in a closed space,
Running the fan at the lowest pace,
Flame is stable, flame is flickering,
It sometimes dances, mind is bickering.
Dancing flame looks appealing
Yellow, bright, swaying, pleasing.

Room flickers with the flame,
I only see what the flame shows,
Room looks unclear, many shadows,
Brightness is uneven, room looks narrow.

Flame occasionally settles,
It is no more just yellow.
Dark brown at the center, yellow surrounds it,
blue covers it with a clear glow.
Room no more sways,
It is visible with greater clarity,
Shadows still remain,
only limited to areas not lit by the flame.

Identity

What is identity?

Identity is the fact of being who or what a person or thing is. It is about recognising ourselves with something other than ourselves. This tells us something crucial about the nature of a person. We need an identity to gauge our value and importance in our own eyes and in the eyes of the others. If you see synonyms of the word identity they are self, individuality, ego, personality, character, similarity, sameness, oneness and you get the idea.
Identity can hold a certain meaning for an individual and a different meaning from the perspective of a group. From an individual’s standpoint it gives a person a certain sense of belonging, security and stability in an otherwise unknown world and unpredictable life. Almost everything from civilizations, cultures, institutions, cult following, fan following, religion, family name, society is to give one an identity with which he/she identifies themselves or others can identify them as. Identities are important to help a person bond with others so that his/her understanding and experience of the world becomes relatively easy and comprehensible. Identities provide a tried and tested map for navigation in journey of life. But are identities always helpful or is this safety backfiring on us by not allowing us to become exploratory and have open minds in the truest sense?

satiate.

Calm.Serene
Sate.

  I yearn for more.

Calm? Serene?

I yearn for more.

Breathe.
Inhale
Ensnares
Hightens
Frees
Controls

I breathe
into trance

Sated.
Complete.
Filled
Calm.Serene.

To face the reality

The emptiness inside….

.still.

still…

keep your head and heart still.

Don’t let it mix with others…

Stir it in your own style

Uninfluenced by others.

Untouched by others.

Stillness is needed.

Few minutes with yourself

Head is still

Heart is still

Life is to be still.

You wish for that stillness to continue.

To engulf

To enrich
To enlighten you

You feel the thought

You feel the soul

You feel what is really you.

Then starts a sudden turmoil.

The stillness disappears.

Chaos

 everywhere.

Mind

Heart

Everything aches

U wonder-“where is the stillness gone”

“was it just an illusion or a real jewel to be adorned”

The Process has just begun.

It can’t be aborted.

It will annihilate everything

Annul your notions.

For the “absolut” stillness to begin.

Turmoil is just one phase.

It will surely end.

By keeping your mind really

still.

Life is chaotic

Take a break

Let the meaning soak into you.

Of your life and
let truth embrace you.

Sshh…

Be very quiet

Be very still.

Be a part of THE HURRICANE.
Everything will be engulfed.
But its the eye which is still
And will make everything
still….

the Room

I am sitting in my room. My head feels heavy. No specific reason. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I think of what to do. I lie down on my bed. My mind is completely blank. No thoughts. Nothing. I drift off to sleep.

Silence.

I wake up. I find myself in a room. A square room. The room is empty. No furniture. No showpiece. Pure plain white. Absolute marble. I am barefoot. The floor is neither hot nor cold. I am wearing pure white overalls. My mind is blank. The room is white. I am not scared. Pin-drop silence prevails around me and I can hear myself breathe.  I wonder where I am. I start having illusions of faint colours. Maybe the whiteness is affecting my eyes. I shift in my place and look around the room. No doors, no windows. I move a step forward. It is so white with slight llusions of colours which I have started having. I take a deep breath. Move another step forward. I then start moving around the room. Feeling the walls. Looking for some sign. I stand at one corner of the room and move towards the middle of the room with graceful steps. I spread my arms and swirl in my place. I feel like dancing. I hear a sound. I listen quietly. No sound. Another trick of my mind. I stretch myself and start moving around the room. In a dancer’s manner. I do some random movements. Random movements. I start a random piece of classical dance with the tune in my head. The music is now heard clearly but at a distance. It becomes louder. The wall corners start to soften. They merge. The room starts becoming round. Stability figure. The floor feels comfortably warm. The music now becomes louder. I see myself wearing a classical dance costume. The room is now having different hues. A myriad of hues. The music is loud and clear.I do a complete dance piece. With graceful steps I move around. The exact pauses, the graceful mudras , accurate and energetic postures. It feel so elegant. I perform the steps that I have never done before. Never learnt before. I dance on a tune that I have never heard before. I feel the euphoria. Then suddenly I think, ” Is it true? Am I dreaming? How is it possible? This is false. I can’t do something that I have not done or heard or seen before. “

I stop. I just stand. I was back to how I woke up. All white. Square one. Silence. Breathing heavily. Only one difference, the whiteness is not pure. Some gray in it. I feel sad Everything got over so suddenly. It just seemed like a few minutes.

Euphoria was over.

The room becomes grayer. I feel even more sad. My clothes start becoming gray. The room becomes black. I was black.

No light. Pitch black. I am now scared. The blackness increases. Never have I seen such darkness in my life. I  take a step forward. I cry for help. I fall on the floor. I keep crying. I feel cold . The floor is cold. It seems like so long. My eyes get accustomed to the darkness. Nothing is visible but I stop crying. I stand up. I search the room for some source of light though I know there is none. I move in one direction. Hit myself with the wall. I bang the walls.Move all around the room. Shout loud hoping someone will hear. Search for light. Hope for light. I search for so long. It seems like hours have passed. Suddenly I see some light as if coming from beneath a door. I feel relieved and move towards it. I come to the point where the light is coming from. Search for a handle or a knob. It is just a wall. A plain wall. I bend down  to see from the gap of light. I try kicking the wall. Push it hard. I smile at my own comical attempts of breaking the wall but I still continue. It does not move even a bit. I try moving it 2-3 times again. No movement. But my fear is fading. I am still scared but have a certain hope. I keep up my confidence and faith. I take deep breaths. I keep pushing and kicking the wall.

Suddenly the wall vanishes. It is so bright. The light blinds me. It is as if time has slowed down.

I see light rays rushing into the room and mixing with black. It is like paints mixing with water. Vivid patterns of black and white engross into the each other. Flowing into each other. The black turns gray as more light was flows in. Finally the room fills with light.

My mind fills with light. Every cell in my body enlightens. It is floating. Anti-Gravity. The room vanishes. I am free.

I am in the middle of a place. People all around me. Running, talking, laughing, happy, sad, all doing some thing or the other work. Responsibilities obligations. Fulfillment . Everyone is unique in their way. Nature, character, physical, emotional….

But one thing is common to all. They are all in ” the room”. They are going through the phases of white, hues, gray and black. Some are in the white. Some are bathing in colours. Some are trapped in the black. Some are banging the walls in the white room. Some are banging the walls in  black room.

I move forward on the road. The road I have chosen. Hopefully I’ll find someone ahead or after me soon.

I wake up. I open my eyes. Back to reality. Or is it one? Whatever it is I am back to it. An escape from it helps me move on with my work in it. I hope I’ll be free from this ” room” in ” it”. Someday…..